- I live in southern California.
- I’ll be 30 in 1 month and 1 week.
- I’ve recently lost 25 lbs.
- I love raspberry almonds.
- I’m currently re-reading all of the Game of Thrones books, so I can compare them with the show.
- I have 6 nephews and 0 nieces.
- Seven is my favorite number, I even had a cat named Seven when I was a kid.
- My favorite color is yellow, but I can’t wear yellow clothes because they make me look jaundiced.
- I frequently use “okie dokie” and “no problemo” in regular conversation.
- I always wear a sterling silver ring that my mom bought for me at the mall when I was in 8th grade. It’s been broken and stretched completely flat and bent back into shape, but I refuse to give it up.
I punched a guy bc he was making rape jokes and one of the things he said was “what’s the difference between yes and no? Nothing” so I asked him if he’d care if I punched him in the face and he said yes but I did it anyway since there’s no difference between yes and no and that’s the story of how I gave someone a bloody nose
shout out to slugs for doing everything a snail does without a helmet
- Interviewer: Tell me about your character in this film.
- Tom Hiddleston: Let me begin with a quote from Shakespeare...
- Benedict Cumberbatch: Do you want the long and thoughtful answer, or the long and thought provoking answer?
- Andrew Garfield: The word "character" can be interpreted in many different ways.
- Jennifer Lawrence: CAKE BALLS.
- David Tennant: I'll quote a poem and be all Scottish and adorable.
- Alex Kingston: That reminds me of a sexual innuendo- oops, I just made an innuendo, didn't I.
- Arthur Darvill: I wrote a song about that on my vintage harmonica.
- Matt Smith: Did you just say "Karen Gillan?" Because, you know, your question made me think of something that happened yesterday, when Kazza and I were platonically hanging out on the bed in her hotel room...
- Misha Collins: I'll say something totally random that probably won't even answer the question and bring up Destiel at least once.
- Bradley James: Colin Morgan
- Martin Freeman: [expletive deleted] and then we [expletive deleted] with Benedict's [expletive deleted] which is [expletive deleted] huge! It was [expletive deleted] EVERYWHERE!
Zach’s pants are NOT food
Susan’s nose is NOT food
That orange cement is NOT food
and neither is that Hasty Pudding award:
Or that car door:
Or that weird-looking plush toy:
Or that envelope:
And before you get any ideas, Scarlett Johansson is NOT food either:
And neither is this woman:
And Gwyneth’s costume:
In his defense, he was hungry…
OKAY, SO, MY DAD COMES IN AND HANDS ME A LETTER TODAY AND HE WAS LIKE “well I don’t know what’s happening but I’m pretty sure this is for you” AND THIS IS WHAT HE HANDS ME:
so naturally I OPEN IT.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS EXPECTING TO FIND
someone legitimately took the time and money to write out this letter EXACTLY as it appears in Goblet of Fire, and COVER IT IN STAMPS. THEY EVEN SEALED IT WITH WAX.
I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK DID THIS
WHAT IS HAPPENING
I’d like to cancel my subscription to Menstrual Cycle Monthly
I’m sorry, it appears you’ve taken out a fifty-sixty year subscription. However, we can pause it for nine months as long as you sign a contract that says you’ll take out a subscription to Baby Daily for at least eighteen years
today in science class we were talking about thunderstorms and we looked out the window and there was a storm in the distance so i quietly whispered “the oncoming storm” and the kid behind me banged his knee on the desk and choked i think i have found my soulmate
this wasn’t supposed to get any notes omg
i ship it
We are dating
i am reminded that english is a flawed language every time I am forced to use “that that” in a sentence
- *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
- Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
- Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
- Man: I never filled out an application.
- Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
- Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
- Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
- Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
- Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
- Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
- Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
- Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
- Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
- Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
- Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
- Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
- Man: Fuck you, slut.